So Confused

I'm sitting here on this fine... no great... Monday evening. I've been in a battle within myself the last couple of weeks. I'm taking a 12 week course for survivors of abuse and the last 2 weeks have been really tough emotionally. I've had to relive some things that have been long buried..relive the pain again....even the memories hurt. I suddenly had a strange view of things last week...is it wrong? That's something I'm wrestling with since then...you see I've realized I've been trying to make some sense of this since I was a kid and still don't have an answer to it all. The odd thing is last week I realized I have a love/hate relationship with God...I love Him, but at the same time hate him(?)...now I'm not sure if I hate Him or hate that he allowed me to go through all that abuse as a kid...after all He is all powerful and could've prevented it, but He didn't. I've reached a point where right now I don't want to go back for the rest of this course...don't want to go to church...don't want anything to do with God....I'm also debating whether to go finish my Bachelor of Theology degree or not, I've got about a year left...maybe I will...spent this much time on it already...but then again what would be the point??